To do and to be

Disclaimer: the following is merely my own musing, based on my experience. Read it if you please.

It is no wonder that people sometimes perceive Christians as hypocritical.

Haven’t you met people in church who are just, well, ‘too good to be true’. How shall I put it? People who flinch at vices of every sort, and who are eager to please, to the extent that they appear contrived. Maybe they are genuinely nice, and that’s great. But if you catch a misanthrope like me behaving like that, it is most likely because I’m acting in a manner I see other Christians behave. The world calls it ‘peer pressure’, we call it ‘church tradition’.

In defense of this behavior, I would say that this isn’t done with the intention to deceive or impress. Rather, we are obeying our idea of what a Christian should do. The bible tells us to turn the other cheek, to go the extra mile, and so we try to do what we know to be right. Yet it isn’t us. It isn’t human nature to be nice. We are sinful, our fallen nature chafes against the angelic behavior we put on. If there is such inconsistency between the heart and the behavior, naturally, we would look like we are trying too hard. We are trying too hard.

How does a Christian behave like a Christian? We go to church and sing hymns, and turn our noses at vices. These are the easiest and most obvious duties of a Christian. There is nothing easier than being a goody-two-shoes if one sets his mind to it, but these are merely superficial actions, if one is not filled with the life-changing power of the Holy Spirit. An unregenerated professing Christian doesn’t lie but doesn’t forgive lies too; he has no debt, and no love for his neighbour either. One can thus become a narrow minded zealot on the straight and narrow path.

This happens because transformation actually isn’t a matter of doing, but being. Righteous behavior comes across as insincere if there is no renewing work of the Holy Spirit, which makes us more like Christ. It is a transformation that takes place first on the inside, in our spirit, before it is seen in our behavior. It isn’t wrong to try to do the right thing, but how much easier it would be if our heart is in the right place. Then it isn’t a matter of effort anymore. It is behavior that comes about because of our new nature.
This transformation only happens when one is willing to die to himself. This is the hardest part of godly living – to recognize one’s inability to do anything good, and to allow God to have His way. This means giving up what we protect with all of our might, the deepest desires of our heart, and what we fear to confess even to God. How much easier it is to simply fob God off by carrying out a manageable set of Christian duties! But then, such a person will not know what it is like to find joy in pleasing God.

I am not there yet, but I am beginning to understand how it works. I think I’m beginning to know what Jesus means when he says that his ‘yoke is light and easy’. Imitating Christ isn’t about imitating what other Christians do, but being free to do what is right because we are no longer hobbled by our feet of clay.

Change

Lord,

Change the conditions and people I don't like.
Change the circumstances I don't find comfortable.

But most of all,

Change me, because when I am different, everything changes for me.

Mice

I blame Ratatouille, Mrs Frisby and the Rats of Nimh, and most of all, Stuart Little.

For days and days, I've been dreaming of my adorable wiffy little pets, and the weekend was finally time for me to get them. But when I saw the real hamsters...

How shall I put it? I hadn't reckoned on the snuffling nose, the quivering whiskers, and horrors of horrors, they even squeak. They...are...mice! Rodents! And suddenly, I remembered with stunning clarity, I don't dare to touch mice.

Nothing can be more of a reality check than...reality.

The great grill

My dear Wedding Jie-Meis, of course all of you had such perfectly valid reasons, I cannot be angry with you. But I wanted you to know how much loving effort I took to prepare the feast that you would have attended, if you had been able to make it. No, no, this isn't a guilt trip. Well...not really anyway.

There was other food catered from other sources, but I cooked all of the below:

Coleslaw - I chopped everything by hand, even the cranberries, so that the taste would be more even.

Shepherd's pie - see how beautifully crisp the top is.

Grilled wings. They came in two flavours - Italian and Chinese. I woke up at 7am just to marinate them.

Now you see it, now you don't. The boys lapped up everything :) I hadn't known that I'm such a good cook. Haha, but there is little likelihood of me repeating this feat. After slaving away in front of the oven the whole day, I came down with a fever. So I'm sorry to say that the next time, it would be good old potluck.

Fire and Water

This is the view of the volcano we had from the restaurant.  Splendid isn't it?

I'm embarassed to admit that the turtles were the only animals we dared to touch. And they are the biggest I've ever seen. Oh dear, what are we doing to do with our terrapin when it reaches that size?

But Turtle Island isn't a place for animal-lovers to go to, unless they are animal-rights activists. Our island guide tried to persuade us to pet a snake 'No problem, the mouth is all taped up'. Or take pictures with a eagle, which was ignominously made to flap around like a chicken, or grab the turtles from the water and turn them over. The place reminds me of a very primitive zoo, in the bad old days when men were made to fight beasts for others' pleasure.

Bali

Ahhh...what luxury it is to wake up to breakfast served in your own private pavilion  beside the swimming pool, and not to meet a neighbour throughout the stay. I can get used to villa living.

All memorable moments seem centred around meal times. We had lunch at a restaurant overlooking the volcano, and I innocently asked our driver 'so can we walk to the volcano after lunch'. er, the answer is no, of course. Volcanos are only to be enjoyed at a respectful distance.

Then, there was a seafood dinner on the beach, where fireworks were going off before our eyes. We had steamed crab, calamari, grilled prawns and mussels, then the man said he liked the everyday corn on cob best. What a waste of decadent food!

Bali is beautiful of course, and there were plenty of attractions to entertain the tourists, though I would have enjoyed the trip even more if we hadn't felt like we were constantly being shaken down for every penny. A 40min cruise costs U$40 each! And at the airport, we were sold a tiny bag of potato chips for more than $2.50, and finally, at the airport, some random booths were set up between us and the plane, and we each had to pay U$19 in departure taxes. We tourists of course should expect to spend money, but we should have been made to feel that the money is well spent. At least, give us value for money, don't take us for fools.

Lastly, a curious observation about the world/US economy. The American currency seems to have less mileage nowadays. The hotel insisted that we paid them in new notes, printed after 2006! huh? People are more hesitant to accept payment in US dollars. Oh dear...if ever there was an ominous sign

and now, let the credits roll

Dear friends, what have we done to deserve such big-hearted, focussed and capable help? You are going to convert me from my misanthropic ways if you don't watch it! We want to thank

Wedding coordinators - Saul the one-man army and CindyOng for making sure that the bride behaves herself

Bridesmaid and Best man - for running in circles around us and taking care of all details

'Jie Mei' - The gatekeepers. Suen the chaperone of the bridesmaid, CY and Jen for zipping my dresses up again and again :P

Brothers - Jeremy, Paul, Mike, etc for shaking their bums shamelessly for the sake of their brother's quest. But someone secretly hid the chilli padi instead of eating it!

Anthony - fearless navigator of traffic jams and snarls

Weng and Gary - one of the relatives commented, 'they are the best photographers I have ever seen!' Thanks for making those aunties and uncles smile widely

Paul - a multi-functional entertainment unit - sings, translates, and jokes.

Huimin and Samson - the Band, for singing my favourite songs

Henry - for taking care of the million details at touch centre

Sminy - music selection and personal freight of the music

HP and Bloh - general shepherding of the good folks of the northpole

YC - the almost 'sister'. we felt so safe knowing that you were looking after the AV

My own sisters - Boon One, Fat one and Little Fish - you girls look so pretty at the dinner reception!

All right, now the dust is settling in the aftermath of the event, and we are getting used to being the 'Marrieds'. When we finally, finally get our act together, will have house warming...eventually. Am not cooking. I've declared that all along, so there.

Inside and Outside

This is what I look like on the outside...at least, after 2 layers of makeup, false lashes and styled hair.

This is how I really feel inside

Overwhelmed by the intensity of what is happening and the cataclysmic changes about to sweep through my life. Even my name is going to be changed, and don't they all say that the name represents your identity? (The feminist in me whispers subversively, 'how come the man doesn't have to change his name?')

End of the daisy path

To be printed out, signed and presented for entry

I, __________, hereby promise that I will:

1. Always enable Masterofboots to skate all she likes
2. Be responsible for keeping the toilets clean
3. Make sure that our family goes to church and cell group regularly
4. Iron my own shirts
5. Not expect Masterofboots to cook
6. Keep track of my own and the family's expenses
7. Listen patiently to Masterofboots whenever she wants to talk
8. Exercise regularly
9. Eat my greens
10. Make sure that my waistline does not expand beyond 34 inches

Where man's strength fail, may God help me to keep these promises.



________________
Name:


To be filled in apppropriately, printed out, signed and presented for inspection on 6 Feb 2010